sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
