how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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