And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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