He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
