you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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