and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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