belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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