ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We need to get me chipped asap
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
