fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
