is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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