Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
