I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
