I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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