she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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