Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
