can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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