You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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