i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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