hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
