med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
