So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I stole a fireplace last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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