yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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