I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
