I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
