and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
