i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
