I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the day after is always just damage control
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
