she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
