my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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