I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We got so high we made milksteak
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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