just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
