so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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