im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
