Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
