I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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