new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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