spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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