We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
