So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
