oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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