New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
