i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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