why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
