just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
4 words: hood of his car
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
