I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
