very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
