it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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