He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She needs sedatives and a leash
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
