Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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