i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
